The Bourne ultimatum: Read the email

From: Carolyn Bourne

To: Heidi Withers

Subject: Your lack of manners

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.
My Reply; Well i am an adult and i should be able to point out what i do and do not eat

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.
My Reply: Shya why shouldn't i tell you that i am still hungry? Do you want me sneaking around the house in the middle of the night looking for something to eat?

You do not start before everyone else.
My Reply: Yes you are right next time i will

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
My Reply: Are you kidding me? How mean and greedy can you be? What if you don't offer?

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.
My Reply: You must be joking? If you guys are some kind of night dancers i aint gonna be recruited in your shit. I thought i was supposed to be on holiday give me a freakin break Old lady

Your should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
My reply: Yeah i know that sucks same way you belittle me every time your friends are over and then after say it was a joke? That's what's up

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity-style behavior.
My Reply: Look who is talking who just sent the other an email it clearly shows that you still want me to listen to your old people talk.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.) If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
My Reply: Okay fine Mum-to-be you can marry your lazy arse son, after all his thing is as small as a toothpick. Just doing all you motherfuckers a favor. Oh PS we actually have the money for the wedding, my parents were not sure if they should spend it on this one seeing that your son is not the it in the sac they definitely knew i would leave him and marry Mr. Endowed Aka i forget that Nigerian guy.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.
My Reply: I Pity him too getting laid by your mother is some sick shit.... BITCH

But seriously i do hope Heidi does not marry this guy, a mother-in-law like this one is not what she wants.